Guest Blog by Neighbours Every Day Ambassador Kate Mulholland (7 February 2025)
When I was a child, I was different to most children around me, not because I played the flute, but because I was brought up in a religion that most Australians found extreme and unusual, but mostly they just didn’t understand. In my limited not peer-reviewed life experience, not understanding something can make you wary of it. We didn’t have Google when I was a kid, so we found out information about things like religion or cultures through word of mouth or perhaps gossip. Rumours became truths, and somehow it made people who didn’t know you able to hate you.
Now don’t get me wrong, I had a lot of privileges growing up in suburban Sydney and then Victoria’s Yarra Valley. I grew up in a house my parents owned, we had two cars (mostly), My dad had what I would still call a “good job” not that I think there are “bad jobs” but “good” is code for pays above the average. We had family holidays (piled all 4 kids in the car and drove to NNSW to hang with our cousins and swim in beautiful beaches). I had the privilege that I didn’t even know was a privilege (that is true privilege, right?!) of being born to a white mother who was born in Australia, and a white father who was born in Ireland, there was lots of teasing and Irish jokes, but they felt good-natured. Yep, tonnes and tonnes of privilege and a sprinkle of good luck.
But, and it’s a rather big but… I wasn’t allowed to play competitive sport, learn to dance, read fiction, watch TV or movies, listen to music that basically wasn’t a hymn, we had Sabbath from sundown Friday to sun down Saturday that meant we “rested” and did not work, or play, or shop. We went to church, had lunch with friends (which was all cooked the day before, it was a like a mini-Christmas every Friday afternoon, but that’s an entirely different trauma😉), we attended church schools, and well, to be honest, we were different, but we weren’t bad. But people thought different was bad, let’s face it, they still do. Many religions still face this, I am sure this is news to no one …
When I had my amazing dynamic duo, I once again found I didn’t quite fit in, big families are no longer the norm, and people do actually audibly gasp when I say I have 5 kids. Then there were the twins not being boring neurotypical twins and that sort of made us sit a little off to the side, not quite in the gang. I won’t bore you with this as the amazing Mandy Hose and I made an entire podcast about it (Too Peas in a Podcast), which changed my life, oh, and we wrote a book about it*, and it is rather impossible to squeeze all that into a blog anyway.
So, I think a lot about belonging actually; as a child I belonged at church, but nowhere else, and as an adult I had to learn to belong as a young mum, and then outside of a church community, and then as a divorcee (my fave title ever!), and then as an out queer woman. I am better at finding my people now, and I love a kindred spirit and can usually spot them a mile off, but I don’t suppose anyone feels like they always belong, and when you feel like you don’t it sure can tickle past traumas and things that are less than trauma, but I don’t know the word for.
On the weekend, I experienced a new (for me) sort of belonging, and it reinforced once again in me how bloody important it is to belong. I marched in pride at the Midsumma Festival in Melbourne. I marched hand in hand with my girl who is a JP and was marching because the Victorian Pride Centre in St Kilda have started an amazing new document signing service. And if like me, you have felt like you have not “belonged” somewhere and that somewhere you had to get someone to sign legal documents for you, you will know it sucked! So now there is somewhere safe, where there is ‘belonging’, and we marched to let everyone know! I was proud to be there with her and them, and people all around us were proud, of themselves, and of us. And everyone was waving flags and saying “Happy Pride” … and it felt so good to belong.
Also, so often in life the things that exclude us from belonging are never acknowledged, you feel excluded alone! But pride says no to that, it is inclusive, and you can feel the belonging in the air, it’s like Christmas and your birthday; but no one is asking you questions you don’t want to answer! It is amazing! Belonging and acknowledging is so powerful! I felt not only like I belonged, but I was around all these other people (very different from me on lots of levels), who also belonged with me. It was incredible, and I am still buzzing from it.
Probably most of you reading this didn’t march on the weekend, and maybe you feel a bit ‘un’ included at the moment. I suppose I want to say that I see you and that I hate that feeling too, and I really hope you can find a book club, or walking group, coffee appreciation group, gaming community or whatever makes your heart sing, and your soul feel like it belongs. And maybe we start saying “happy book club!” and really noticing when we belong; and like Pride maybe we could all be a little bit more inclusive … and we might just all feel a bit of a buzz.
So, from me to you, Happy Pride, maybe I will see you there next year, it is so fab!
Big Love,
K xx
Biography
NED Ambassador Kate Mulholland, is the mother of premature twins with disabilities, and she and her friend Mandy Hose bonded over their shared experiences and the lack of representation for families like theirs. Determined to give their community a voice, they launched Too Peas in a Podcast. Initially aimed at parents of multiples and children with disabilities, it soon attracted a broad audience, including health and education professionals. With over four million downloads, their Pea Tribe fosters kindness and support. Kate and Mandy were invited by Penguin to write a book about their lives, ‘The Invisible Life of Us’. Kate now produces and hosts a new podcast ‘Honestly… I’m Lonely’, exploring the universal experience of loneliness each week with her guests.